After years of writing, I’ve learned a very strange thing about myself: when I feel like garbage, a story isn’t working, and I know it needs a lot of work before it’s “done,” the absolute worst, most demoralizing thing I can think is “but imagine what it’ll be like when it’s published!”
Yes, demoralizing. It makes me want to quit. It makes me want to wallow. It is the most depressing, most frustrating, most upsetting thing I can think of.
Why? Well, let’s dive into my psyche. I might just be hyper-sensitive and neurotic (I probably am, actually), but hey! Maybe you work the same way.
The problem with focusing on big successes is that they don’t always happen.
Here’s the long and short of it: when I’m depressed about writing, dreaming about a wonderful future where I’m a successful author doesn’t help, because:
- That success is far away.
- Achieving that success requires me to not be depressed.
- I still have to put in dozens (or hundreds!) of hours of work to get to that point.
- It’s extremely common to write something and have it never sell anywhere, or never find an agent, or never find a publisher.
- Even if you self-publish, it’s extremely common for you to put out a book and have it receive middling-to-non-existant sales.
Which means that if I’m anxious or depressed, dreaming about eventual success is poison. I can guarantee you that my mind is not going to say “Don’t worry! You’re worried now, but you’re going to feel great when you succeed!”
No. My mind is a jerk. It thinks evil things. It’s going to say, “Imagine what it’ll be like if you never publish this story at all, and the 6 months of work you put into this was wasted because you got stuck right now and you never got over it!”
So, uh, that’s bad.
The solution: focus on very, very small wins.
So what does work when I’m deep in a pit? Celebrating small successes like:
- You wrote today! You haven’t written for a week or so, so THIS IS GREAT. Hurray!
- You wrote 1,000 words! That’s super fantastic!
- You accomplished something! Accomplishing something feels good, right? Don’t you want to feel like this a lot? Remember this feeling!
- Write a to-do list, where the task for every single day is “Just write anything.” Cross off today! CROSSING OFF STUFF FEELS GREAT
- Good golly, did you finish a chapter?! One down! WOO!
- You sent a query! Cross that off your QueryTracker list! Who cares if they ever respond? You did your side of the work, which is writing a good query and sending it out. DONE. YOU SUCCEEDED. HURRAY.
OK, so these sound cheesy. They are, really. Believe me, I know. I can’t sincerely throw myself a party for writing 1,000 words, either.
But I do feel genuinely content when I finish something. So that’s what I focus on: the small, nice feeling of accomplishing anything.
So here’s my takeaway: when I’m most depressed, I need to accomplish something.
That’s basically it.
“Hey, maybe you’ll sell this book someday” is not something that I can do in a weekend to snap me out of my slump. But I can do a tiny bit of work.
This stuff is not easy for me. When I feel bad, I want to second guess my accomplishments. “Yes, I wrote 1,000 words, but are they objectively good ones? Because maybe I’ll just have to write those words over again later, and this time was wasted!” or “I wrote a chapter, but there are 27 in this novel, so at this rate it’s still going to take me 3 months to finish this thing, at best!” I’m realllly not a very positive person, usually.
But you know what feels good? Accomplishing something. Accomplishing anything.
The only way I can drag myself out of depression is by accomplishing milestones. Little ones. Preferably ones I can accomplish every day. I won’t cheer myself up by thinking “You won’t feel like garbage 3 months from now, when you’re done!” I have to find something I’ll feel better about today. Now. Something like:
- You sketched out notecards for every scene that’s working in your novel, up to the point where it isn’t
- You brainstormed ideas for how to fix your current problems
- You wrote a reasonable amount of content
- You wrote something else, and it was fun and liberating
- You read a book about writing and it gave you some ideas on how to fix your writing
- You sat down and used your dedicated writing time for something writing-related for once, and you’re going to do it again tomorrow.
All of these are small victories, and you can do them today. They don’t require you to succeed at anything, or to complete a lot of work, or to fix everything. They’re just tiny baby steps you can do today, and tomorrow, and the next day.
It doesn’t always work, of course. But it’s better than clubbing yourself over the head with things you can’t do today.
I still get writer’s block. I seem to fall into a pit of depression about once a year, swear to give up writing forever, and stop writing for a week or two. It happens. And every time it happens, it feels like I’ll never drag myself out of it.
But I always get back on that horse and try again. And it’s never because I remembered that it’d be Really Super Amazing to get a TV show based on my novel. It’s always because I did something small, and writing felt possible again, and accomplishing something felt good, and I figured I should do that more often.
So, yes. Perspective shifts: helpful. Maybe they are for you, too?